I wanna passion pit in your ass
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
