I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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