sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
