I wish I only lived at night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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