Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
