apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize