i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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