sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
