Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
