Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
