My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
