ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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