New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
