Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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