How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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