I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize