no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
