pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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