We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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