i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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