Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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