Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
