i permit you to call me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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