the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
