He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
why is half of my head shaved?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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