Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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