I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
