He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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