Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
