did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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