I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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