wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
