Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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