the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
