The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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