He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
