I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
