When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
