I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dignity is for republicans.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
