you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize