Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
