Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
