She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
