worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
