I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
