The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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