and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
