im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize