Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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