If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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