He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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