this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
