All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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