well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
