Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
