You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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