It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
