the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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