we're blogging at a bar
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
