Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize