the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
