wake up i wanna do it froggy style
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I deserve this hangover.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
