At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
