so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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